Sometimes I wish that childhood would never end. Or I mean I wish it never ended. I guess it is a little too late in my life for that! The innocense of childhood is so alluring. Worries that are carried are not major in the sceme of things. But adulthood, there are so many stressors! And they never seem to go away. EVER! Don't you just wish you could snap your fingers and make all your worries disappear? I sure do! This coming week is going to be a rough one for me. I think that is what brings this to the forefront of my mind. Although, I have to say, there are some wonderful possibilities that come with being an adult. I am currently listening to music and the song "Life's A Dance" just came on! How appropriate!

There is this picture of my great-grandparents that always comes to mind. They were at the beach, I believe, and were so young. And although I dont know if they were just friends, dating, or married at the time, they look so in love. Even if they didn't know it (the picture did)! The picture is inspiring. It is a testment to true love! I guess it is even a lasting impression in its own right. When I was at lunch at the American Girl doll store with my mom and sister there was a box in the middle of the table. In this little box there were questions that you could draw out and ask one another. Well, right before our meal came my sister pulled out the question "Who in your family would you like to meet that you never have?" or something along those lines. Of course I came up with a quick answer to satisfy the need of an answer, but this question has stuck with me. It is such a hard one to answer! In doing my family history, I know alot about my family like where they came from and such, but there are also so many people that I would like to meet and question. I love knowing my family better than anyone else, but at times it frustrates me too, because I just don't comprehend, no matter how fascinating it is! Why did my great grandpa take the name of my grandma's birth father to his grave with him? Why did my grandma not want to fight her cancer? Why did my gg grandpa marry a woman that didn't want to allow his son to live with them? Why did you choose to come to America? Why did you have a child that you ignored? Or even simple ones like who is your father, who is your mother? An answer to that question would make my job so much easier! Unfortunely, asking these questions is never a possibilty. The only thing I can do is attempt to discover the answers to as many as I can. And leave as many answers behind about my life as I can!

I and Love and You,

Diana

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!

Ok...so this was supposed to be posted today (Feb. 15), but I have been busy all day so it didn't happen. So, here is today's post!


I feel like I am constantly starting my blog with "today is...". Of course this is extremely annoying to me. I think college and writing papers is starting to inhibit my creative writing skills. I always have numerous ideas floating around in my head, however they never seem to work out exactly as planned on paper. So here is my attempt at not saying "today is..." and putting together my thoughts onto paper...

Many moons ago on this very day (okay so maybe not so many) there was a baby girl that came into this world. She was given the name Nancy Sue Buttenbender. Several years later she got married and had three children (2 girls and a boy). A few years even later brings us to today, the day in which she was brought into the world.

This little girl happens to be my momma. And so today, on her birthday (a very monumental one at that) I would like to say a very big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my mom!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! I LOVE YOU!!!

I hope everyone has (or had) a fantastic day...especial my mom on her birthday!

I and Love and You,

Diana

A Fun-Filled, Much Needed Break

I had a fantastic time at home this weekend. It served as a really nice break. I went home Thursday and drove straight to Jamie's birthday party at Rink Side which included glow in the dark mini golf. Then Friday my mom and I took Jamie and her best friend Sarah down to the American Girl Doll Store in Chicago. There we had lunch and my sister got to pick out her birthday present. It was soo much fun! Then Saturday my brother had a volleyball tourny, which was a qualifier for nationals. Unfortunately the didn't get a bid, but they fought hard. There coach wants to take them down to the club division of nationals anyways, so maybe if it all works out I will be lucky enough to go down and watch my brother and his team at nationals in Austin. Wouldn't that be a blast?! The day ended with Jamie's frustrating basketball game. But whether it was frustrating or not, it was still fun to watch her play. Sadly my brother got sick that night and we weren't able to make it to Sunday's volleyball games, but regardless it was a fun-filled weekend. Here are some pics of all of the festivities.

I and Love and You,

Diana

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAMIE CLAIRE!!!

Today is an extra special day!!! Today is my little sister's golden birthday! She is super excited for today, which in turn makes me super excited. I am also grateful for the long weekend that I get to spend with her. I know I previously said I was not going to be able to miss my class, but I have discovered that tomorrow she has a day off. So, I am heading home today for her party and then I am going to miss my class tomorrow and take her on a birthday adventure downtown with my mom. It is going to be a good day! I love her very much!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAMIE CLAIRE! You're the best sister I could ever have!!!



I and Love and You,

Diana

P.S. I will try to post some pics of her birthday at the end of the weekend!

A Lasting Impression...Gram

I think it is well known by now that I don't like snow! And of course what is it doing right now? Snowing. Actually no...that is an understatement...there is a blizzard going on outside of my window. Which is even worse than if it was just snowing. I just had to put that out there...although it has nothing to do with what I was planning on blogging about! So...this conversation ends here.

Here is a new beginning....

Have I ever mentioned that I don't like history? Well, if I haven't...I don't, I don't like history at all. But the strange thing is, if you relate history to my family, I LOVE it! I could rattle on and on for hours about my family history, telling story after story. I am so passionate about it! It is truly amazing what all is out there to be discovered. I was recently sent a photograph from the early 1900s that had every single person labeled on the back. Such a rare find! I am sharing about my passion for this because since the last post I have really been thinking about what I wrote. Lasting impressions. For whatever reason this topic has really pulled on my heart strings. So, I have decided that I am going to start to share every once in awhile (or every post, who knows) about the people who have made a lasting impression in my life. My grandpa is certainly not the only one!

Jean Clair Buttenbender. In my eyes the name is famous. I see it all the time, all over my house. You see, my grandma, Jean Clair Buttenbender had this habit of writing her name on everything just so no one would confuse it for their own. To this very day my grandma makes me laugh. All I have to do is pick up a pad of paper to jot down a quick note, because if you turn that pad of paper over, no doubt in big letters you will see...JEAN. haha. Apparently she didn't want anyone using her pad of paper. However, this is not the only reason. My grandma was an artist and a fantastic one at that. I strive to be half the artist that she was, because even then I would be really good. Unfortunetly cancer took my grandma away from us too soon, 13 years ago. Wow....I can't believe it has been that long! But I still see her everyday! You see, two short years after my grandma passed away, God gave a gift to my family. He gave us my sister (and she wont ever let us forget it). Before my sister was ever born my parents had decided that they were going to name her in honor of my grandma. Little did they know that when she got here she was going to look like my grandma too, down to the little kinck in her ear! Jamie Claire has been a blessing to my family and a reminder of my grandma everyday! I just wish that she could have met her! I also wish my grandma was still here so that I could tell her that I found her birth family. I wish she could be here to see all that I am discovering! She too left a lasting impression!!!

Gram during her modeling days

Gram and Papa on their wedding day



Gotta love those '70s

My Gram and Me

Gram, Kev, and me on Thanksgiving

One and a half months before she died

I and Love and You,

Diana

A Lasting Impression

I often sit here pondering what to write about. It isn't always the easiest thing to come up with subject after subject for blog entries. But the bigger problem...the thing that always catches me, is that I don't want to write about nonsense. I want to write something that someone will read and go...wow she's right, I never thought about it that way before. I want to write something that means something to someone. My whole life writing has been a passion of mine (ask my mom...she'll tell you, I was writing stories by the age of 3), whether it be my thoughts, a story, a poem...but I guess at some point you want someone to come up to you and tell you that what you had to say really affected them. Or that you spoke words that they just couldn't say themselves. I live for that moment, I write for THAT moment! And thus I sit here, not really sure what profound thing I might be able to say. But I cannot let stop me, I have to write, I write in hopes that maybe one day that will happen. So, I choose to write about the things that matter to me most...namely my family.

I think it is this same concept that drives my love of genealogy. I search, file through documents, stare at pictures, piece together broken information in hopes that it not only will help in discovering who I am and where I came from, but also to be able to tell a story. To let those before me make a difference in the lives of those still living. Isn't that how it has always been in history? The greatest artists, writers and so fourth were never truly the greatest until after they died. They became the greatest by leaving a lasting impression. A lasting impression like my grandpa has left in my life. On March 2nd of this year it will be 11 years since he died. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. I can't believe that it has already been a decade plus that he has been gone. But I also know that there hasn't been a day since that he doesn't go through my mind in some capacity. He left a lasting impression! My brother was only 5 years old when he died, but if you look at the man that my brother is becoming, you can see my grandpa. In those 5 short years, he impacted the person that my brother will always be. He left a lasting impression! I know that there are plenty more people that he left a lasting impression on, and I know that there will continue to be people that he will leaving a lasting impression on, because I will not let his story die. I will tell stories of my grandpa for the rest of my life. I will tell of the incredible man of God that he was and the incredible love that I still feel from him to this very day! He made a lasting impression!

All in all, I guess my words of advice for today is to leave a lasting impression! Live your life so that those after you will look back and be amazed! So that they will look back and want to do nothing more, but let your story live on. Everyone has greatness inside them, find yours, and leave a lasting impression!

My grandpa in WWII

My grandpa

My grandpa with my brother and me (the year before he died I believe)

I and Love and You,

Diana

P.S. It wouldn't let me create paragraphs in the post...I dont know why...sorry!

Kevin In Uniform

Kevin in his uniform right before Ian's Eagle

It's My (Half) BIRTHDAY!!!!

I am going to start with a statement that seems so obvious that it is stupid I am even metioning it....Today is February 2, 2010. Now this may seem like just a date, however this inparticular date has always had significance to me for it is my half birthday. Yeah, I know, I know...nobody cares about there half birthday, but I do. You see having a summer birthday during elementary school never allowed me to be able to bring in treats for my class or participate in any of the rest of the festivities that came with having your birthday during the school year, so we always celebrated my half birthday in school. That makes today a very good day. I realize that I am now in college, but I like to think that the same rules still apply.

Not only is today my half birthday, but it is Groundhog's Day as well. From what I understand there is a little confusion between a couple different groundhogs as to whether or not we have six more weeks of winter. Of course I am NOT hoping for that, because as we all know...I don't like winter!

Today's date also means that my mom's birthday is two weeks away and that my sister's is a week and a half away. Which reminds me....I still need to get their presents! I probably shouldn't forget that! I think my sister would kill me if I forgot! She has already tried to convince me to skip my classes the day after her birthday ( I only have one!) so that I can spend the day with her. Unfortunetly it would not be the smartest thing to do.

Now that I have rattled on and on about a date I would like to share something that occured this past weekend. This past weekend my family and I attended an Eagle Ceremony for one of the guys in my brother's Boy Scout Troop. In the world of Boy Scouts this is a very big deal. Not very many boys make it to the rank of Eagle. I forget the exact satistics. So this being said I would like to say Congradulations to Ian Heffron for achieveing the rank of Eagle Scout!

I think I am going to end this here because I can't think of anything else to say! I know it is pretty amazing coming from me, since I always have something to say, but right now I can't really think of anything. Oh wait I just did...haha! Keep my brother's volleyball team in your thoughts and prayers...they have Nationals coming up later in the month and it would be really awesome if they recieve a bid! Ok...now this is offically it!

I and Love and You,

Diana

P.S. Six Months til my 21st!!! Yeah!!!

Ugh...SNOW!

Let it be known that I do NOT like snow! I will admit that it is pretty when it is coming down, but as soon as it starts sticking to the ground I have a major problem with it! Now why do I bring this up? Well, today, it is snowing...and over the last hour or so it has decided to start sticking! It did this yesterday too...so I am not a very happy Diana today! Although the extra special cold that I have acquired could be playing a big role in the not happy Diana day as well! I have been doing nothing but sneezing or feeling like I am going to sneeze all day long...it has totally sucked! This weekend all the snow had melted and I was so very excited! Why does it have to snow and destroy the lovely sight of no snow? I don't quite understand.

Here is part of campus yesterday! Just imagine it with more snow...and that is today! Yuck!

All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone

I was reminded this past weekend that I really need to update my blog...and so, here I am!

I moved into Benedictine a week and a half ago and started classes last Tuesday. The last couple of day have been kind of weird becasue I know that everyone was headed back to Cornerstone and starting classes yet I was not there! I think it is going to take some getting used to. It really has made me realize how much I miss everyone. On Sunday a lot of people were on Facebook updating that they were back at school and although I am happy for them, I want to be able to see everyone too! Maybe I am just feeling it now more than ever before because I am still trying to make friends here. Everything is a process and I will get to the point that I am ok with everything; I am just not there yet. I am still learing to TRUST God completely and lean on Him, and transferring has definately forced the issue. At church on Sunday my pastor started a series entitled Jesus > (Jesus is Greater Than) and each week he puts something on the other side of that sign. For me, I just need to remember that Jesus is greater than any fear I may be having and that He will get me thru whatever I need. At the end of service they handed out wristbands that say "Jesus >"...and I have it sitting right next to me at my desk so that I can remember that!

On a lighter note, I really do enjoy being at Benedictine! And for those of you at Cornerstone, the food is ten times better, just saying! Feel free to come visit me anytime (I have an extra bed), just let me know ahead of time that you're coming! I am only about a half hour from downtown Chi and we could go hang down there as well.

As a final note you can see that I not only am updating my blog, I changed everything as well. I think it was about time since everything used to be Christmas and it is almost February! But I just wanted to mention the music. It is all Glee songs! I go the 2 soundtracks for Christmas and they have pretty much been the soundtrack to my life as of late, so I thought I would share a few of the songs! In case some of you don't know what I am talking about when I say Glee...I am talking about the TV show on FOX...it is freaking amazing!!! If you have never heard of it before, or even if you have, and you have never seen it, YOU NEED TO!!! The second season starts in April and you should watch it! The first season is all online...or if you come visit me, I have it on DVD and we can watch it!

I will try to be better about updating now that I am pretty much settled in at school!

I and Love and You,

Diana

Happy New Year!!!

I just wanted to write a quick post while I have internet! I have been up at my lake house where we don't have any! The last couple weeks have been an emotional roller coaster, from leaving Cornerstone, to being home, to the holiday season. It has been interesting! I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas and I hope that you have a wonderful New Year! See you in 2010!!!

I and Love and You,

Diana

Letting Go...or at least trying!

I hate this bittersweet feeling that is so suddenly consuming my life! Why is it that in the last week of school I am having some of the most deep, interesting conversations of the entire semester? It pulls me in, makes it harder to let go. But I also know it is time. I know it is God’s will for me to leave, but it is hard.

Tonight I sit here alone, in a dark room, with nowhere to go, and no one to talk to. I am completely stuck in my own head. And this is not for lack of trying. It is for lack of people, or at least ones who have time and/or willingness to hang with me. With the way things are looking now I have a feeling that this weekend is going to remind me exactly why it is time for me to go. This week has been great! But the outlook of this weekend is horrible! I can’t help the tears that are streaming down my face. There are so many things that I am going to miss here, it’s just that I miss home more! This internal battle of emotions is killing me! It is taking any and all strength that I possess.

So for now, in an attempt to make it through this pain, and it is most likely not the last time that it will be heard, I will say this: Goodbye Cornerstone, I will miss you! I hold no regrets! Thank You for all you have done for me!

I and Love and You,

Diana

Pictures as Promised!

Here are some pictures of Kevin's birthday dinner! And as an update...the weather behaved, and he passed his driver's test! My little brother can now drive! Scary!!! LOL...j/k!

My brother and me

One of the only pics Jamie would take


My parents

Kev and his birthday dessert

Here is his first bite...but it didn't last much longer after that!

Happy Birthday Kevin David!!!

Sixteen years ago today was a very monumental experience in my life! I went from being an only child to having a little brother! And although he is not so little anymore, standing tall at 6 foot (taller than my dad…and he is very proud of that) it is still his birthday, and a milestone one at that. Today he will go and attempt to get his drivers’ license. I say attempt because I don’t trust the weather to be on his side! I feel terrible that I can’t be there. There is nothing I would rather be doing today than hanging out with him and sitting in the drivers facility with my mom waiting for him to come back with the verdict. Instead I have to attempt to do a presentation as he is off attempting to get his license. I can’t wait to find out whether he got it or not! Well I am going to let this be his day and leave this at that. I will try to post some pictures a little later of his birthday weekend and dinner a little later! We celebrated this past weekend since I wasn’t going to be home today!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEVIN DAVID!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! GOOD LUCK!!!

I and Love and You,
Diana

Grateful!

Let me start by apologizing. I was just re-reading what I posted yesterday and not all of it makes sense. I swear in the 3 hours of sleep I was running on, it made sense. I even re-read it a few times before a posted it. I don’t know what my problem was. Oh well!

Yesterday was a very busy, but great day! I had classes all day; however it was the first time that I was actually able to ask for prayer in class about transferring. I have been needing prayer for specific things for a little while now, but was unable to ask for it since I hadn’t told anyone I was leaving. It was really nice being able to finally ask for it. Right now I could really use some prayer for emotional strength, patience, and peace. This is a very stressful time as I am trying to get everything in order before I leave and time is running out.

Last night I had the chance to hang out with my friend Eve, whom I haven’t gotten to hang out with all semester! It was such a blessing! She is so much fun to talk to and I always have a good time with her. I am so grateful for her! I don’t think she even realizes how much she touched me last night by just being herself! Eve, you’re amazing, you’re such a great friend, and I appreciate you so much!

Well I thought I would share a couple of pics with ya’ll of my siblings and me. My family is everything to me and I am so grateful for them! They are so important to me and I can’t wait until I transfer so that I will be closer to them!

This is my brother Kevin and sister Jamie on New Moon premiere night!

The three of us on Thanksgiving!

I and Love and You,

Diana

It's Time to Trust

“Lord, I thank you that you are in control, no matter what happens. I trust that you are holding me in the palm of your hand, today and always—and that you’ll never let me go.”

This is a quote that I received in an email today. And I realized that this is something that I really need to take to heart and try to say this prayer every day. I think it might be time to pull out another index card so that I can post it in front of me at my desk. As I am sure you will grasp about me, and as I have said before, I don’t do well with change. But it is so important in my life, especially right now that I am in this process of dealing with a very large change, that I just give it all to God, and trust Him for He know best!

My favorite verse that I attempt to live my life by is Psalm 37:5 “Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him and He will help you.” Of course being human I very often fail at this, but I feel like everywhere I turn I am constantly being reminded that I need to trust Him. I don’t know if it is a sign that something life changing is about to occur or not. But I don’t want to read into it too much, because then it will just stress me out! I think I may take another index card and just write TRUST!

Okay, now I am going to very abruptly change the subject. I think I could go on and on about trust, but I am not going to. So, last night I had an awesome time at IHOP with some friends. I am really trying to focus my time on spending some quality time with my friends, since time is very quickly running out. If you want to hang out just let me know; I would be more than happy to! I feel like the subject is now going to end up being time, but it really isn’t something to worry about until it is being taken away. And although time is not being taken away in the permanent form of death, it is all the same being taken away in that I am not going to be able to see the same people that I have for the last two and a half years, every day.


Not only is time an issue with not being able to see friends, it is also in a more physical form (or at least the physical form as I see it in my head) that I just have a lot to do. I am now in the homestretch of the semester. All of the final projects of the year are all going to occur in the next two weeks, and then after that there are exams. On top of all the school work, a couple of weeks ago I received an email from student retention giving me a list of things I need to make sure I have all tied up before I leave. Even though I am very grateful for the list, because I love lists, it is just a reminder of all the stress there is to come.

Well I guess trust and time are just two things I need to focus on; trusting the Lord and managing my time wisely. If I remember I will attempt to let you know how it is going!


I and Love and You,

Diana

Music

I just added my favorite Christmas songs! But just wanted to say that the version I love of Grown-Up Christmas List is by Amy Grant, however I could not find it anywhere to be able to add it. So I chose the version that was done closest to hers by Kelly Clarkson.

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for...

FRIENDS!!!

I am writing to tell you about a season of change that has started in my life. Some of you may already know all of what I am about to say, some may have suspected it, and for some this might come as a complete surprise. Three years ago I made one of the biggest decisions of my life: where I wanted to go to college. I took the process very seriously and I had a list of things that I wanted in a school, a list of things that I wanted for my life, and I found those things in Cornerstone. So, when I got my acceptance letter just before Thanksgiving, I was set, and had made up my mind that I was going to Cornerstone. In my eyes, Cornerstone was perfect for me, because it was going to give me more leadership training, a place where I could speak freely about my faith, Christians around to support me in my walk with God, it wasn’t too far away from home, and other smaller things such as the type of dorm set up I was looking for. However, as time has gone on those things on my list have changed, and Cornerstone is no longer a good fit for me. I have felt this way for the last semester or so, but was not actively trying to find a different school, because ultimately I need to follow where I feel God is leading me to go, and although I was ready to leave, I felt as though He wasn’t ready and that He still had some things to teach me about myself here at Cornerstone. So, I have stayed, however it has now come the time that I feel God is calling me to go. So now comes the real point of this note, I will be transferring to Benedictine University, a school closer to home this next semester. I came to the realization God was calling me there over this past summer, but I did not have the time to transfer everything for this semester thus the reason I am transferring in the middle of the year. I am really excited for this new adventure in my life; however I am very nervous at the same time. I think I will really enjoy being closer to home. The drive is only an hour as opposed to the three and a half hours it takes me to get here. As some of you know I was very sick all last year and I was really wishing I could have been closer to my family during that time and now I will have that opportunity. A lot of you also know I don’t do well with change, so this will be a difficult time for me and I ask that you will please pray for me in this transition period in my life.

I also want to thank you for the part that you have held in my time here at Cornerstone. Each one of you has had a role in making my time here a positive experience. I am leaving this campus thankful for everything that I have learned about God, myself, others, and life in general. And I am forever grateful to each one of you for playing a role in my time here at Cornerstone, a part of my life that I will never forget! Some of you were my RA, DC, RD, a hall council member, OTH buddy, a listening ear, friend, and a few of you don’t even go here, but you still impacted me in some way during the time I spent on this campus. I hope to come back and visit and be able to see y’all! Thanks again for everything!

Love Always,

Diana

We Three (My Echo, My Shadow & Me)

Well, this is going to be a new process for me! I have always kind of liked the idea of a blog and being able to get out what is on my mind, but have never brought myself to write one....until now. So I guess here goes nothing!

The purpose of finally deciding to write this is to help me in the transition of transferring schools. For those who don't know, I am going to be transferring from Cornerstone to Benedictine University (Lisle, IL) at the completetion of this semester. I thought this would be a good way, for those who want to, to keep up with me and see what I am up to at my new school. I am hoping that it will help me mentally be able to deal with the change as well. Because for those of you who know me well...you know that I do NOT do good with change, and this is a pretty big one! It will be a journey, and it is one I believe that God is leading me to, so I am jumping in head first, but not gonna lie....I am really scared!

Now I think the title of the blog deserves some explaination. Once I decided I was going to write this blog, I was stuggling to come up with a title. I mean what do you really call a blog that is supposed to be about the journey of your life, or for me, about transferring schools and dealing with change, without sounding too cliche? So, I turned to my all time favorite show hoping it would help! (Sidenote: I have three favorite shows [One Tree Hill, Grey's Anatomy, and Private Practice] and I was going to work my way down the list, but I found it in the first show I looked through.) I decided to start looking through the episode titles of OTH, looking for something that would do. And I found it in Season 2! For those you who love OTH the content of the episode had nothing to do with what I chose, only the name. I did look through the rest of the seasons to see if there was anything else that I liked. And there were some. I also liked "All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone", but then I felt like I haven't really gotten to that point, I know I will get there, but I thought it might also make a good title for a post instead of for the entire blog. I also liked the title of this post "We Three (My Echo, My Shadow & Me)", but then I realized I only liked it because that is how I am feeling right now. I am currently stuck in my dark, boring room with only my echo, my shadow & me. The echo coming from the fact that I emptied most of my stuff out of my room yesterday, so there isn't much in here. And the final one I like was "I and Love and You", but then I decided that I liked that better as a closing for the posts as a reminder to all of you of how grateful I am that you are a part of my life! So, this brought me back to my original idea, and I just loved it! I think it fits, because breathing through the struggles I might feel I am enduring is important!

Ok, I just realized that I just gave a huge explaination for the title of this blog. Oh well! Now you know! I best be off now, I have much to do. I am pretty sure I will end up blogging later today, being that I really don't have anything to do today and everyone is in classes or busy! Also, I will post in here the note I wrote on facebook to all of my lovely friends whom I adore! Thanks for starting this journey with me, I appreciate it!

I and Love and You,

Diana